Just some of the things you need to take to work… laptop bag, pump bag.  Not included, purse and diaper bag

Checklists help me keep my sanity. I am working on one for tomorrow, my first day back to work after my 4 month maternity leave. This isn’t my first time around so I am not so anxious. With baby #1, I went back to work part time for 2 weeks to ease myself back into it. I did not want to go back to work. I couldn’t imagine leaving my little 3 month old in the care of a stranger {you know, not family}. I wanted to stay home and kiss my baby all day long. It was tough. I held back tears for the first half hour of work. Fortunately, I work for a very understanding company. Been working there for going on 8 years which makes life a little easier because of the flexibility tenure brings. The new way of life, being a working mom, got easier over time.

But having 2 kids and returning back to work seems like a salvation, a stressful costly salvation, but a salvation none the less. I am looking forward to interacting with people my AGE! I am going to be able to have more than 5 minutes of time to myself. Dare I even say, I am going to be able to use the bathroom without the door flying open or having little fists pound on the outside begging to come in. I am going to be able to run errands on a lunch break. A LUNCH BREAK! To hear those words, makes this short time stay at home mom’s eyes tear up.

But, with all this good, comes some bad too. I am going to go from seeing my lovely little girls all day long to only seeing them 3-4 hours a day. I am going to have to rush from work to get home so I can nurse my little baby before eating dinner.  I am going to need to get 3 people ready before leaving the house {me, toddler and baby} in probably a late panic. I am going to have to get back into the groove of washing pump parts and packing them up for the next day. I am going to become a bag lady, balancing multiple bags of all the crap I need to just be at work and away from my baby. I am going to have to figure out how to squeeze in time for work at home in the already too short day. Will I even really get time for myself besides the walk to the office kitchen, using the rest room, and running out of the office to try to do all the errands I didn’t get to over the weekend because I wanted to spend as much time with my 2 kids as possible? I am going to deal with a childcare provider and wonder if they are giving my most precious possessions the best care possible?

Having 2 kids, having any number of kids, and being a working mom isn’t easy. Neither is being a stay at home mom. I am going to experience working mom’s guilt of missing out on time with the kids. I am going to question if I am the best mom I could be. I am going to have sleepless nights followed by days of crazy stress. I am going to do it, every day. I am going to measure how well I am doing at being a mom by the quality of time I spend with my kids when I am with them. I am going to measure how well I am doing at work by meeting my deadlines and my ability to do a little more than what is needed. I am going to measure how well I am doing as wife {cause, I am that too. And having a trusted companion might just be the most important aspect of being able to be a good working mom} by the growth of our love {I know, yuck}. I think keeping all that in mind will help me return to the daily grind and not feel too bad about it.

Now, that being said, the baby just started to cry and my toddler has been parked in front of the TV so I had long enough to write this. I guess I need to get back to it.